Airheads will Always be Airheads
by Eunow1234
Summary: Okita overheard his sister and Hijikata's conversation. Mitsuba was kind of worried about her brother's romantic life so Okita sought help from Yorozuya. Is he really doing this for his sister or does he have another plan for his pretend girlfriend?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Hijikata-san, isn't it a bit concerning that Sou-chan doesn't have a girlfriend yet?" Mitsuba was sitting with Hijikata in his office. "I don't think that's weird." Hijikata replied because inside his mind he was thinking. "That sadist can get any woman he want that's why I'm happy he doesn't have any interest on anyone. It would be frightening for the other party if he did. " "Sou-chan is such a kind and charming boy so it's a bit surprising that he doesn't have someone special." Mitsuba is still concerned about his little brother and gave out a sigh every minute. While the one eavesdropping outside made his move.

"Is this a confession? Then, it's a 'no' because you're disgusting. " Kagura said sitting on the couch, nibbling a seaweed on her mouth. "Don't get ahead of your self, brat." Okita refuted. "Why of all people would you choose Kagura to be your pretend girlfriend, we can have Shinpachi crossdress, right here." Gintoki was sitting on his table, chugging a strawberry milk. "Why would you throw me into this situation?!" Shinpachi retorted while Kagura ran to the bathroom. She, throwing up, was heard even outside. Kagura slide the door shut while wiping her mouth. Then, she sat down on her seat "I'm sorry, Shinpachi imagining you crossdressing and getting all lovey dovey like a girl makes me ~brrgh~". Kagura tried to stop her barf. "You really are sick in the head."Shinpachi was irritated. "Danna, I'm choosing that airhead because it would be a big problem if I pretend dating someone smart, they would probably overthink and misunderstand." Okita said while sitting there, all relaxed. "Don't lump me in with those girls, I'm too much of an intellectual to misunderstand." Kagura retorted. "Just as I told you Danna, she's an airhead even her own stupidity she can't seem to notice." Sougo fought back. "I understand, it would be bad if Shinpachi misunderstood, his a virgin after all." "Why are you still throwing me on this situation Gin-san!" "I'll let you borrow Kagura if you have a reasonable amount to pay." Gintoki transacted. Okita put down a large sum of money on the table. "Gin-chan, why are you selling me to this bastard?!" "It's not selling, it's a rent for this month's rent." Gintoki counted the money he received. "I'm not gonna be fooled you're gonna use that money to play pachinko again." Gintoki stood up and gazed down on Kagura. "How did you know?..." The dark atmosphere suddenly vanished as he walked towards the door. "Don't worry I'll buy you seaweed when I hit it big." Gintoki waved the money on his hand, walked out and closed the door. "No! Don't do this to me Gin-chan." Kagura reached out her hand for the light thay was covered by the shutting of the door. Sorro-"Stop the over dramatization Narrator-san, it will fuel this brat's complete nonsense. Okita interrupted😩. "What are you callin' nonsense, you human trafficker!" Kagura was then lifted by Okita like a sack of rice. "I'll throw this garbage for a moment." "You're the garbage here so put me down!" Kagura kept hitting Okita's back while they leave the Yorozuya. "Sigh, I guess I'll clean this place one more time." Shinpachi fetched his broom. Sadaharu who was sleeping then woke up. "Oh! You're awake Sadaharu." Shinpachi gave Sadaharu his breakfast. "Arf?!" Sadaharu seems like his asking where his owner is. "Kagura has something to do, just hope that she would finish it without a problem." Shinpachi said to Sadaharu as he patted his head.

"Oh my! You have a very cute girlfriend, Sou-chan." Mitsuba said with Hijikata beside her in a family restaurant. "Her name is Kusora (Kuso糞meaning "shit") Aneue isn't it splendid nam-" Okita gritted his teeth after Kagura squashed his foot. "His wrong Annue, He likes to make stupid names because he himself is stupid." Kagura kept on squeeshing his foot without an ounce of worry in the world. "It is a secret that was kept from generations but my true name is Cao C-AHHH!" Okita slipped off his foot and turned the tides, stepping Kagura's foot with great force. Kagura was writhing in agony. " She likes to make up names for herself,Aneue." Okita kept the cutesy smile on his face. "Get off my foot, bastard you're making me sick." Kagura whispered to Okita. "Just shut up or do you want me to flatten your feet even further." Okita squeezed her foot even more. "Her name is Kagura from the Yorozuya." Hijikata can't take the delay so he just straight up said it. "Yorozuya? Where Gintoki-san is working?"Mitsuba asked and Hijikata nodded. "How splendid! You have many friend in Yorozuya, don't you Sou-chan?" Mitsuba was overjoyed and she looked at Kagura who was writhing in agony. " Kagura-chan, you must be really hungry right now. How about lets order something Hijikata-san?" A lot of food came to their table. Hijikata separated his share and pour a whole bottle of mayonnaise on top of it. While Mitsuba took out a Tabasco sauce and pour it at the top of the remaining dishes. The anticipation became a nightmare. Kagura looked at the Tabasco sauce being poured with utter shock and she kept sweating vigorously.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

At Yorozuya, Gintoki returned from his daily roaming outside. "Gin-san where did you come from? Kagura was taken away." Shinpachi met him at the door. "It's fine, nothings gonna happen. It's part of the transaction." Gintoki continued to walk towards his desk and positioned himself in his chair. "Why did you agree with Okita anyway?" Shinpachi asked "We're sinking in poverty this month. We would probably eat Sadaharu's share for the sake of survival. We can't do something about that, right?" Sadaharu bark in disagreement on Gintoki's notion. "See Shinpachi even Sadaharu is scared that we would share his part, as Kagura is, she would take all of our share so this is a great opportunity. Those corrupted police have so much money. Kagura, acting as Okita-kun's girlfriend, he must feed his girlfriend if he really want to make their relationship realistic as possible in front of his sister, right?" Gintoki explained. "When you think about it, it all works out….but what about the money, Gin-chan? Don't tell me you really did use it for pachinko?!"

"Don't worry, I'll use it if a minor accident, where there is a need for hospitalization or a psychiatric theraphy, really did occur."

"That's not even reassuring Gin-san. I'm really worried since Okita-san is really sadistic and on top of that those two are really going for each other's head."

"Come on Shinpachi, bets can sometimes bring good luck so don't wrap your head around worthless things." Gintoki suddenly sweat prefiously as he remembered something. "I'm sure the Yato's can survive eating a bottle of Tabasco. "

"I'll feed it to her Aneue, she's a little bit selfish. She likes to be pampered a lot." Okita held Kagura on the chin and tried to squeeze it open. "Open your mouth, you goddamn swine." "Are you trying to kill me?! Who eats that crap?!" There was an ensuing mental battle between the two. "Aren't they sweet, Hijikata-san?" Mitsuba said sweetly as always. While Hijikatawas worried seeing Okita tortured Kagura. Okita raised his leg which was stepping on Kagura's foot and smashed it like a hammer of justice. Kagura released a shout of agony but Okita immediately put the spoon on her mouth, shut it tight and quickly covered it with a napkin. "You have a rice on your mouth, let me wipe it for you." Okita covering up the current situation while Kagura tried to take away Okita's hand. "Sou-chan is Kagura-chan okay? She looks very red." Mitsuba was concerned. "She's very fine Aneue. She's enjoying the food so much, she even wants to eat the napkin." Okita said and Mitsuba sweetly gigged with it. Kagura was at her limit. Her pupils rolled back her eyelids and just fainted. Okita was holding the back of her head so that it would look like she was still conscious.

Then, Hijikata looked at the clock and saw that he needs to get going and told Mitsuba about it. "Sou-chan, we shpuld get going… Sou-chan is Kagura-chan okay she hasn't move since then." Mitsuba noticed that Kagura was acting unusually. "Kagura-chan are you okay?" Okita pushed the back of Kagura's headso that it would seem like she's nodding her head. "We should get going now. Are you sure you're alright?" Okita put his arm around Kagura's shoulders and pushed the back of her ear so that it would look like she is nodding "no". "Eh! What's wrong Kagura-chan?" Mitsuba was really concerned. Okita then release Kagura and let her fall on his shoulder and pushed her head to his ears. "Kagura is too shy to say it but she…" Okita blushed a little while looking at Kagura. Mitsuba giggled as she looked at her little brother. "I understand Sou-chan. We should get going Hijikata-san." Hijikata was hesitant, leaving those two behind. Mitsuba gently shove Hijikata to leave the premises with her.

When the two was out and was far gone. Okita sighed with relief and looked at the girl who was so dumb-looking while being unconscious. "You are really annoying China, why can't you act the way I wanted you to act." He released another sigh and positioned his back. He put Kagura's arm around his shoulder from the back and carried her in a piggyback, out of the restaurant.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kagura opened her eyes, her vision still blurry yet, eventhough the view was unfamiliar, she felt a nostalgic feeling just like the times when she's lying down in someone's bosom. As her eyes became more focus and she can see clearer and clearer, she recognize the blue skies that were above her and the sound of the rustling leaves of the trees echoed in her ears. It was a very peaceful and calming moment that she wanted to close her eyes one more time but as she turned her head the calming feeling was replaced by cold sweat and terror.

She noticed the sadist, crossing his arms and and looking down on her face with his sleepy eyes shut closed. As she realized whose lap she was lying down into, she quickly rolled down her enemy's legs but she forgot that they were sitting on a bench and fell down to the ground head first. She rolled down writhing in agony as if her cranium was cracked open.

She quickly stood up and patted her aching head. She sighed and looked around. "So we're in the park." She sighed again with an exhausted expression. Kagura's legs were still a bit wiggly like a young fawn so she decided to stay for awhile and sit with the sadistic prince.

She looked at Okita and seeing her adversary in a vulnerable state, a brilliant idea popped in her head. Her fatigue somehow disappeared and she enthusiastically ran to a nearby store. Kagura quickly came back, excited to enact her revenge but the sadist position post a predicament. She can't draw his face with that position and she can't change his position 'cause it might wake him up so she has to adjust herself. She lay on his lap again but this time she used her elbow so that her head won't touch his bosom. She was ready and confidently positioned that she can't help but to smirk. She was ready to execute her plan but she was shocked when Okita suddenly opened his eyes. "This is bad, I forgot this guy was a sadist." She only just noticed that Okita was faking his sleep, and his arms were not crossed anymore. She was about to move in that fast moment yet her elbow failed her and it slipped. In that short span of time, she only saw Okita's face as it got near and she only felt his right hand holding the back of her head, pushing it upward, everything else was just numb.

"Got you, presumptuous idiot." Okita said while licking his lips. "The heck was that, ugly mongrel!" She quickly escaped his grasp. Clueless about everything, she based her reaction solely on that single qoute.

Okita stood up and brushed his pants with his hands. "I'm not like you, I'm not gonna wait for someone to attack, I'll kill him before he can raise his hands."

"Do you think you can defeat me, how audacious can you get?" Kagura smirked and threw a challenge to Okita.

"What's the purpose? My strength will only be a waste, you're an airhead after all."

"Who you callin' airhead? You're just scared, aren't you?"

Okita held Kagura's neck and pinned her to the bench. "You forgot what I did before, right?" His face got a bit closer to Kagura. Silent and threatening, like a wolf ready to pounce, he said with a low voice, "Should I make you remember?"

Kagura's flight and fight response, or should we say Yato insticts, were triggered. She raised her legs and kicked Okita in the stomach with full force and ran away.

Okita stood up holding his stomach, in pain. "That little bastard." He then sighed.

Meanwhile, Kagura ran until she reached the bridge, she, then, rest her head in the railing, and just watched the setting sun.

Gintoki and Shinpachi coincidentally passed by the bridge. Shinpachi called her, "Kagura-chan!" but no response was found. They approached Kagura but an awkward silence was the only thing they got from her.

"Come on Shinpachi let's leave her for now." Gintoki tried to be considerate. They walked away and suddenly Gintoki heard a ripping sound behind his back. He looked behind him and saw Kagura pulling his kimono. "Ahhh! What are you trying to pull off, crappy bastard? If you want to act like a maiden in love, control that brute force first!" Kagura kept pulling "Aaaahhh! Stop that!" She still kept pulling. "Okay! Okay! What do you want?" Kagura looked up to Gintoki and Gintoki's face was full of dread. "Buy me a year's worth of sukonbo."

"I won't do that smartass, I don't have money to buy a worthless sukonbo."

"What about the payment for my work for today."

"I didn't it was for …"

"You can't fool me you used that for pachinko." Kagura interrupted.

"I told you already, it's for the rent."

"No, give it back, I won't be a fool anymore so give it back!"

"Kiss my a…" Gintoki was about to retort when he saw Kagura react to his first word. He decided to treat them to a yakiniku with the money.

The next day, Yorozuya met up with the Shinsengumi while they were patrolling on the street. Gintoki approached Okita. "Hey, you did something, right?" Gintoki said with a voice of an overprotective father.

"What are you talking about, danna?". Okita glanced at the back where Kagura was. He saw Kagura dodging his gaze but still trying to pull a couple of glances. When their eyes met Kagura quickly looked away and started turning red. Realizing and remembering the meaning behind the reaction, Okita covered his blushing cheeks in front of the suspecting father figure and suddenly, he felt a pat on the back and Hijikata whispered, "Sougo, what did you do?."

-END-


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